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Missing John Pinette

Posted by on 6:00 pm in Blog | 12 comments

... The first nice thing John Pinette ever did for me was to violently swat a cup of foul tasting tap water out of my hand and replace it with bottled water.  Whenever he makes fun of me, I remind him that he found me on the streets.  Oh wait, I’m supposed to write stuff like that in past tense now. . . whenever he made fun of me.  Ugh. I’m having a bit of a hard time accepting this.  When I heard the news the other day, I refused to believe it.  I texted Tim Krompier, “Is it true?”  He called me immediately and said yes, and we...

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A homeless man’s open letter to the mom who wrote the open letter to Gwyneth

Posted by on 1:23 am in Blog | 1 comment

  Dear Mackenzie, Thank you for writing that saucy letter to Gwyneth Paltrow! As a homeless man, I couldn't agree more! She doesn't understand how hard you have it waking up so damn early (in your nice soft bed without the fear of being stabbed for your shoes). I can't imagine how difficult it must be to get up extra early to squeeze in that pesky warm shower--the one that gets you clean and smelling like pomegranate sunshine or sea-breeze melon.  That heartless bitch, Gwyneth, probably has no idea what it's like to smell like Target...

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Hell Gig Dream (special appearance by Greg Fitzsimmons)

Posted by on 2:28 am in Blog | 3 comments

Hell Gig Dream (special appearance by Greg Fitzsimmons)

  I just woke up from having a mildly epic and adorably ridiculous comedy dream and needed to write it down before I forget...   So, I'm working with Greg Fitzsimmons at a random comedy club somewhere in Florida.  The manager of the club picked us up from the hotel in a Hummer (perfect for combat situations and/or transporting wussy comedians).  To get to the club, we had to go over these long bridges, reminiscent of the anxiety-inducing bridge over Tampa Bay in that it's expansive, and there's just so much water around it, but...

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